Gotta look...

for opportunities to turn adversity into benefit. There's always a benefit to all the trials we go through; sometimes the benefits do not directly affect us, but they are always there.

When my mother and my aunt passed away earlier this year, I struggled with the grief. I miss them so much...but their passing ignited my faith, which started slowly and now has engulfed me.  I am confident that they are still with me and living life abundantly in the hereafter. Someday I will join them, not too soon, but someday. :)

My back went out in May and I wasn't able to go back to work until mid-July.  Although in a great deal of pain, I was able to appreciate the value of purpose with my job. I went back with a purpose, a goal to do the best I could with a better attitude.

However, another slight blow to my pride, was, upon my return, a change in the environment...although phased as "a way to optimize our resourses rather than taking on other's responsibilities," I understand what's really going on...a reduction in responsibility because while I was out, my coworker was unable to perform basic clerical duties that she should be comfortable with after years on the job. I accept partial blame because I tried to teach her but lacked follow up to make sure she understood, but in all fairness, she has often exhibited forgetfullness as well.

And I have challenges at home.  My oldest offspring is very independent and stubborn when it comes to respecting my expectations.  However, is also very dependent on me when it comes to responsibilities. She wants to be treated as an adult, but does not want all the responsibilities that come with maturity.

So I step back and reflect...and come to the realization that these challenges are opportunities for growth. No one trained me on my work duties...yes, I did get training on how the department worked, but my technical abilities and problem solving skills are achieved through hard work and research done on my own. My transactions are documented so anyone coming into the middle of one can easily track what has been done with little wasted effort. So, I can look positively at my current situation and say that my talents will better shine now that my coworker and I report to the same person as equals.  It is a good thing for our supervisor to see first hand all that I did on my own without the need for micro-direction or constant supervision. And I am content because my values are greater than just my job...I get great satisfaction from my job, but my spiritually is what is startint to really sustain me.

And I will need that deep spirituality to sustain me through the challenge of my children.  My oldest daughter, in particular,....mocks my faith as ridiculous.  But I've come to the conclusion that I don't have to bow to her desires at the peril of my own salvation or because she has no respect for me.  I don't have to be apologetic for enforcing my values in the home because it is my home, I support all in it and I have a right to instill certain rules without being disrespected and ridiculed.  And I don't need to feel guilty or ashamed either. I just need to be firm in my expectations and explain that when she can afford to support herself and live on her own, she will set the rules in her house, but in my home, I set the rules.

I'm growing and I'm learning to value myself through all these trials.  I need to be true to myself and that is what I am learning through all the opportunities desguised as challenges. :) I'm going to turn them around to my advantage. I'm going to continue to grow and not give up.